wanderingquill

bead-bead:

jeza-red:

fruityadobo:

flixchatter:

Just realized how much Richard Armitage’s Thorin reminds me of Gerard Butler as Attila The Hun and Beowulf. Both are gorgeous + bad ass Brits who look good in scruff and sporting ANY haircut.

FRERIN IS THAT YOU

Yes it is!

HEADCANON ACCEPTED.

The Frerin Is Alive And Being Thorin’s Personal Pain In the Arse Headcanons

1.  Of course, a list like this would not be complete without an answer to the question Who is the better looking brother?  Dwalin has personally opined that both Durin brothers look like “tree-shagging Elf-spawn with barely a beard between them so the answer is moot” in which case, this will always devolve into a brawl because “our mother wouldn’t even dream of touching an Elf, you orc-spawned Fundinul!”   Dis has declared that her brothers are both idiots.  Balin has washed his hands of all of them.  

2.  In truth, Thorin simply rolls his eyes heavenwards and will openly ask Mahal Himself for heavenly strength.  Frerin just offers a cocky grin and naturally asserts that he is the better looking brother, seeing as “Thorin here’s just naturally a grumpypuss all the time!” 

3.  If a Certain Hobbit, whose opinion is certainly Not Biased Nope Nope Nope, were to be asked, the answer is quite obvious.  Yes, Frerin, Thorin is a Grumpypuss.  He is also breathtakingly handsome when he forgets to be grumpy and actually smiles.  In fact, said Smiles should really be re-classified as Weapons of Mass Destruction, as Hobbit Sensibilities and various forms of underwear turn tail and flee when said Smiles are aimed in their general direction. 

4.  The problem with having two Uncles who were, in their own right, the Original Terrors of Erebor, is that they are aware of any and all tricks and pranks that Fili and Kili might dream of and may have even been responsible for teaching the Young Terrors of Ered Luin a trick or two or three. 

5.  Nope, it was not Frerin who told little Gimli that a long time ago, Cousin Thorin had a wee crush on the Lady Galadriel, who had visited Erebor a time or two.  And thus, little Gimli, who rather idolized his elder cousin and king, would follow in his footsteps and not actually outgrow the “Elf Phase” that most wee dwarf badgers went through.

6.  Gloin swore that he’d have Frerin’s beard for this when little Gimli eventually charmed and made friends with that “poncy git Thranduil’s son!” 

7.  Frerin knew within a minute of meeting the fellow that he playfully referred to as “Thorin’s Hobbit” (even if said Hobbit huffed and originally protested he wasn’t Thorin’s anything and then relented when confronted with Thorin’s Patented Heartbroken Puppy Expression and would later claim Thorin as his Dwarf, please and thank you), that Bilbo Baggins was his brother’s One.  Small, comely and sassy was exactly Thorin’s type after all.  That didn’t stop Frerin from doing his brotherly duty and investigating whether or not Thorin’s feelings would be reciprocated.  Frerin figured it all out immediately once he saw Bilbo’s reaction to Thorin’s Infamous Smiles of Mass Destruction. 

8.  Frerin’s favored weapons were the bow and twin axes.  His chosen craft was actually engineering and he was responsible for ensuring that his family had a roof over their heads that wouldn’t collapse and a stronghold that would hold fast against attacks even by armies of Orcs.  However, he spent a lot of time figuring out how to “Dragon-proof” their homes in Belegost because he’d be damned before he’d let another Dragon drive the Dwarves of the Sigin-tarâg away from their homes again.  That meant he was quite, quite serious when he offered to make the improvements to Bag End.  

9.  Bilbo actually took Frerin up on that offer.  And then set him loose upon Tookland and Buckland, who would appreciate his work even more. 

10.  It was said of Thrain’s sons that the eldest had magic in his voice and the youngest had the same in his fingers once a fiddle was placed in them.  For a very long time, due to the various sorrows that their people and family had endured, Thorin could barely raise his voice in song.  It was Frerin who coaxed the music back into his brother and the Song of the Misty Mountains, the same song that had captured the heart of one Bilbo Baggins, was one that they had both written both as a lament for what was lost and a hope for what may yet be reclaimed.

notanightlight

seadeepspaceontheside:

Frodo was given a cookie for being dragged across the Shire

He tries. he tries all the time.

Little Frodo Baggins had quite made up his mind.

If his Hobbit-y Uncle Bilbo looked after Frodo and was quite happy in doing so, then Frodo needed to look after his Dwarrow Uncle Thorin.  Frodo made sure his Uncle Thorin ate all his greens and silently pointed at the creamed broccoli even after Uncle Thorin announced that he’d end up turning into a Wood-Elf and Mahal help them, what sort of useless Dwarf he’d be if that happened? 

Frodo solemnly told his Uncle Thorin that he would never turn into an Elf.

Of course, Uncle Bilbo muttered that it was far likelier that Uncle Thorin would turn into a proper dwobbit instead and yelped when Uncle Thorin caught him up and delivered the Terrible Death by Tickling as a result. 

Uncle Thorin was not too fond of Elves.  Even though he knew quite a few more Elvish stories than Uncle Bilbo did and even spoke an Elvish language that gave Uncle Bilbo quite a bit of trouble. 

(Once upon a time, when Uncle Thorin was a wee badger, he actually liked Elves, so he studied all he could about them, because he hoped he could find a way so that Dwarves and Elves could be friends again.  But that was until Mean Old King Thranduil showed his real colors.  Uncle Thorin swore Frodo to secrecy on this.  It was important to keep one’s promises, after all.)

Now while Uncle Thorin did an excellent job of chasing away the Monsters Under the Bed, was willing to be Frodo’s partner in his Quest to slay dragons (the dragon was the stuffed toy Smaug Uncle Bofur sent for Frodo’s birthday) and fight trolls (the Trolls were carved by Uncle Bifur and were quite splendid), made him sturdy wooden weapons and taught him how to shoot a bow, there were still some things that Frodo’s mighty and heroic Dwarrow Uncle could not do. 

Frodo discovered that his Uncle Thorin got lost easily.  Sometimes he got lost in the Shire and Uncle Bilbo would fret because he’d miss supper and Frodo was afraid that Uncle Thorin had fallen into the River and the River was a Bad Thing, because it took away Frodo’s Ma and Da and he was very sad for a long time because of that.  Sometimes Uncle Thorin would get lost in his own mind and Uncle Bilbo would worry because “my dear Frodo, your Uncle Thorin has led a very hard life and there are hard memories to go with it and they make him sad, sometimes.” 

Frodo resolved that he would make sure his Dwarrow Uncle didn’t get lost in the Shire and didn’t get lost in his own head, because he was, just like Cousins Fili and Kili, a very good and very proper nephew and what kind of nephew would he be if he didn’t take care of his Uncles? 

And so it was that little Frodo Baggins made sure that Uncle Thorin would always find his way home.

philliptunalunatique
philliptunalunatique:

FILI TRYING TO PULL THE ARROW OUT OF KILIS KNEE WHILE KILI CONTINUES TO BE TWITTERPATTED I’M SO FUCKING PISSED AT THESE TWO DIPSHITS
WHY ARE THEY EVEN 

mangocianamarch - I saw this and immediately thought of you. 
And yes, Kili, you are such a twitterpated little shit.  And I love you for it.  BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

philliptunalunatique:

FILI TRYING TO PULL THE ARROW OUT OF KILIS KNEE WHILE KILI CONTINUES TO BE TWITTERPATTED I’M SO FUCKING PISSED AT THESE TWO DIPSHITS

WHY ARE THEY EVEN 

mangocianamarch - I saw this and immediately thought of you.

And yes, Kili, you are such a twitterpated little shit.  And I love you for it.  BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

FUCK YEAH GRR MARTIN and FUCK NO JRR TOLKIEN: The Difference Between

Joffrey Baratheon - Game of Thrones

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The Purple Wedding

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Fan Reaction

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Thorin Oakenshield - The Hobbit

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After The Battle of Five Armies (There and Back Again a.k.a. KILL ME NOW)

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Fan Reaction

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Yeah. That about covers it.

Above - The Majestic Moggy Under the Mountain

When Thorin Oakenshield is seized by the need to “cat out” of kingly duties (read:  Thranduil is visiting and Thorin does not need the rise in his blood pressure), he often assumes the form of a regal-looking black and white cat.   As the Majestic Moggy Under the Mountain, Thorin Kitty is fond of hunting fish for dinner and curling up in Bilbo’s discarded shirts, if his beloved Hobbit Consort is currently busy. 

We must note that Bilbo will never be too busy for at least a few moments to scoop up his ridiculous Dwarf Kitty for a scritch and cuddle but of course, there is the fish that Thorin caught for dinner that needs cooking and Thorin’s favorite dessert to make, especially if Bilbo had recently gotten chocolate from Dale.  So Thorin will happily leave his Hobbit spouse alone for the moment and go adventuring in cat form.

It must be said that Thorin’s sense of direction is slightly better as a feline.  That is, he can at least use his cat senses to head in the general direction of home.  This is, of course, provided that he’s in Dale.  Inside Erebor, Thorin doesn’t get lost, since he has exceptional stone-sense - a matter for which his entire family, especially his husband, is eternally grateful.

Now the Dwarves know their King even in his cat form and most of Dale has learned to watch out for the Dwarf King turned Kitty.  This includes the children of Dale as well.  The youngest of the Bardlings is very fond of His Moggy Majesty and Thorin has graciously consented to be carried around by young Tilda.  Occasionally, Thorin watches over the very littlest of the little ones of Dale, patiently enduring infant poking and prodding.

Occasionally, this results in Thorin being late for dinner, in which case Bilbo will send out a search party composed of Dwalin and Sister-sons.  Dwalin has never let Thorin live down the moment they found him sandwiched between a pair of twin babies who would wail in distress the moment their furry guardian would leave them.  Said little ones were eventually comforted by a soft plush cat that Dori himself made for them. 

bead-bead

bead-bead:

darthstitch:

bead-bead:

I now very badly for a cat to wander into the TARDIS.

I think that’s Kitty!Thorin, who got kitty-napped when Ten found him hanging around in Radagast’s TARDIS…er…. Wizard’s Cottage, planning new pranks to play on Wood-Elves. 

(Fine, Gimli’s Elf is exempted.  The fact that Thorin has long automatically put Tauriel in the Category of “Family-Therefore-I-Love-Her” means Tauriel sometimes aids and abets Thorin in his shenanigans. Fili and Kili came by their Talent for Shenanigans honestly!)

So Ten brought Kitty!Thorin with him to Renaissance Italy, mainly because Ten wanted to check on one of his old companions and hopefully stop her from making a Terrible Mistake with her brother….

Oh my gracious, I think you broke my brain.  

(Wait, I thought Kitty!Thorin was a tuxedo cat?) 

Shhh…. sometimes Thorin looks a little bit different for variety’s sake.  (Fine, sometimes he goofs up the spell!)  Occasionally, he turns into a Ginger Kitty whenever Gimli upsets him about Legolas. 

And sometimes, Thorin really fudges up things and ends up a kitten, which is a far cry from his usual Majestic Moggy.  Evidence here:

The ribbon may have been a gift from Lucrezia….

bead-bead

bead-bead:

I now very badly for a cat to wander into the TARDIS.

I think that’s Kitty!Thorin, who got kitty-napped when Ten found him hanging around in Radagast’s TARDIS…er…. Wizard’s Cottage, planning new pranks to play on Wood-Elves. 

(Fine, Gimli’s Elf is exempted.  The fact that Thorin has long automatically put Tauriel in the Category of “Family-Therefore-I-Love-Her” means Tauriel sometimes aids and abets Thorin in his shenanigans. Fili and Kili came by their Talent for Shenanigans honestly!)

So Ten brought Kitty!Thorin with him to Renaissance Italy, mainly because Ten wanted to check on one of his old companions and hopefully stop her from making a Terrible Mistake with her brother….